im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
