Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize