There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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