Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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