Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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