obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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