I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
