There was a lot of him and a little penis
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
