I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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