Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Michael Bay diarrhea
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
