The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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