I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
