oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
