Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
