After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
