We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
