forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
