I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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