just come out here and I will go home with you...
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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