my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
too bad you live with your parents still
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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