i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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