he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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