I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize