Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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