He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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