you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
