I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Randomize
