I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
