yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
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Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I have feelings that need drinking.
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I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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