he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
