At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
