Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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