the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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