Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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