My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
