Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
