I skipped work to stalk him.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
