she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm at about main and main street
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
