apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
