Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
