Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
