Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
