whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
