True but thats because hes a fetus.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm at about main and main street
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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