Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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