So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
