She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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