she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm getting married
To pizza
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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