Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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