Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hippo gnu deer
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My dick has a subreddit
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
