Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
