I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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