at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
