They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
