ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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