All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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