i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
