He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
