I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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