Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
