Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
