But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
