i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
