Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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