he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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