what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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