My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
did you just send me my own nude
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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