another moral hangover. fuck.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
