you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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