Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
